“Emma”.. and the “Pedagogue” relationship

This blog is dedicated to all my INTJ friends and companions with whom I share the wonderful relationship of the “pedagogue” .

Hello everyone!!! 🙂 I am back after a really long time, Had barely time to breathe the past few weeks…

I have just discovered that the best thing about blogging is, I can blog about whatever catches my fancy, any of my innermost thoughts and feelings, without having to feel apologetic ever of hogging the complete conversation..:) (not that I realize that many times in real life, as my friends constantly tell me..Sigh!!!)

I can write for hours about Psychology and MBTI, without having anyone to tell me- ‘no, not again’ ‘stop with your obsession’ etc…so in short this blog world is a heaven.

Anyways coming back to my title. Emma, is one of my Fav Jane Austen novels (After Pride and Prejudice of course). I was reminded of it because yesterday they played the hindi movie “Aisha” on TV, which is based on Emma (tears of frustration), please don’t watch that movie and think thats what Emma is all about if you haven’t read it. Because its not, its most definitely not.

In Aisha, Emma (played by Sonam Kapoor) is represented as a dumb, rich chic and that is very very far from the truth in the novel.The movie has also wasted the super talented Abhay Deol (who in reality is perfect for the character of Mr.Knightley the hero of the novel :))

Emma is a character I again relate to, so will some other women I know (I hardly wirte about characters I can’t relate to, its a flaw). The story of Emma, reminds me of my association with a dear friend (who of course is startlingly like Mr.Knightley)

Austen quoted about Emma that “She is a heroine, whom no one else might like too much, except myself”. Note to readers Jane Austen is typed as an INTJ in MBTI and Emma..surprise surprise : as an ENFP..:) (Please don’t give me that look, I am already thinking about renaming my blog :P)

So Emma is this Rich, beautiful, clever yet thouroughly spoilt girl, who’s totally headstrong. She has all the right intentions, yet she has such supreme confidence in herself that she barely pauses to think she might be doing wrong. Emma is charming and popular and therefore gets away with many things. Her greatest hobby is matchmaking- between other people. She loves the concept of finding and bringing together 2 people who are ‘perfectly’ matched for each other and giving them a fairytale ending (see there are people like me in books :P) anyways she believes in this so much and she wants to help so much that needless to say she disregards common sense, which is constantly pointed out to her by Mr.Knigtley. Almost everyone-her dad, her governess, her sister, her friends adore and look up to her. I said almost..:) and then there is Mr.Knightley.

Ahhh! Mr.Knigtley, the only one who can resist Emma’s charms (or so it seems to her) and can bear to tell her the truth to her face, can tell her to her face that she’s acting like an idiot. Of course that doesn’t go down well with her most times (she isn’t used to being contradicted or not adored) and so there’s this constant undercurrent between the two of them.

If I can analyze Emma’s feelings, I would say that she discovers early on (consciously unknown to her) that Mr.Knigtley is the only one who truly knows her and although she wont admit it, she’s comforted by the fact that he tells her the truth and finds faults in her with all honesty. But well no one likes being shown the mirror, so Emma disregards Mr.Knigtley and continues playing the matchmaking game.

The novel beautifully moves on in the old English countryside, with complex and wonderful characters (which is typical of the intelligent Austen) who are lauded and ridiculed in all fairness. Needless to say Emma is tangled in a web of all her mistaken matchmaking and realizes late that Mr.Knigtley was right after all. She also realizes, that the man she sometimes thought she couldn’t stand is in fact the man she loves and needs desperately- she needs Mr.Knigtley.

Mr.Knigtley on the other hand has always loved Emma, he thinks of her as a clever bright child, spoilt to have her way and wants to gently correct her. He hasn’t resisted her charms, but he has the ability to love her after not being blind to her charms alone, love her with her faults, love her despite it or maybe love her for it.

The relationship that Mr.Knigtley and Emma share is the beautiful relationship of the pedagogue. MBTI, more specifically typelogic says that, it is the relationship shared by a few couples (to find the different types : http://typelogic.com/pairs.html ) one of the pairs who shares this is the legendary INTJ-ENFP. Again I have no doubt Austen being an INTJ herself has again written about a type close to her heart, this time from a different angle. Let me explain:

Pedagouge relationships are those, where each person is both the mentor and student to the other, each can learn from the other, yet each loves the other despit his/her faults.

In Pride and Prejudice, we had an ENFP heroine Elizabeth, who taught the INTJ Darcy, to loosen up, to trust people, to leave behind his arrogance (which is characteristic of INTJ :P), to love and laugh and enjoy the world.

In Emma, we have the INTJ Mr.Knightley teaching the ENFP Emma, to use logic, discretion and common sense, to learn to be rational and not get carried away.

No wonder each loves the other. Each possess what the other needs to learn. Therin lies the charm of the Pedagogue. Whether you have a friend or a partner, or a family member who shares this relationship with you, cherish it beacuse it will most definitely make you better.

Like I said at the outset :

This blog is dedicated to all my INTJ friends and companions with whom I share the wonderful relationship of the “pedagogue” I admire you for your logic and rationale and I although I don’t like it when you are right over me, I have to admit (maybe I don’t do it openly) I am secretly pleased that you are there to show me the way.

Literature disease????

Bombay times (source of entertainment and gossip..:P I don’t care what Hindu says) today mentions something about “twilighticitis” a disease that teenagers (Bah!! they are not the only ones who read twilight :P) go through, by being obsessed with the book…and then go on to talk about- if literature can be a disease for the brains of some people….

God!!! how can they use a word like disease for something as beautiful as literature…

But yes I must agree that sometimes books do something to you, they transport you to a world- far away from this normal mundane one.. they give you something to look forward to..sigh!! they can create MAGIC!!!..

Many many books have created magic in my Life, but there are 3 (one a series)..which I can never ever forget..they continue to lift me up every time I read them, and I must have read them countless number of times by now.

The first one, I read at the age of 15, when I was in school- Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice”. I remember every instance connected with this so clearly as if it was just yesterday. I was just being introduced to classics and my friend had particularly wanted me to read Pride and Prejudice.

My first reaction to that book was- Gosh!! how will I manage to sit through this (for someone whom Archie comics and Sidney Sheldon and Jeffery Archer had been the staple diet till then, sitting through a classic was tough) . 2-3 pages down and I began to like the book… I felt a very very strong affinity with Lizzie (Elizabeth) and as it usually happens with me, I started feeling her emotions as they were my own. Enter- Fitzwilliam Darcy (swoon!!!) and I was hooked, hooked forever.

The rude Darcy continued to fascinate me and I found myself praying through the book, God!! let Lizzie see him for what he is, let her see that behind all that rudeness is that steady, constant heart and the nicety. Through the book every time they met, my heart would skip a beat..and this went on till the end.. every line in that book is epic.. Lizze and Darcy ..immortal.. and needless to say I was in love, with Darcy- through Lizze. Since then I remember looking for a lil bit of Darcy in every guy I have met..:P (little did I know that MBTI would later classify Darcy as an INTJ – My fav type in the opposite sex..:) and Elizabeth as an ENFP-my type- yay!!! no wonder!!!)

Next book- rather series – was undoubtedly Harry Potter. 🙂 I am sure many of you associate with this. I can’t even begin to explain the affect this series has had on me. I began reading this book when I was in the US, I remember thinking- Gosh! I hope this isn’t a book for young children (I was 18 then) . Within a few pages of the first book, I was hooked, I could feel the same affinity, the same bond, I cried with Harry and Ron and Hermoine, I laughed with them I devoured the second and the 3rd- azkaban immediately. The fourth one hadn’t released yet (and I seriously thought I would die!!! waiting for it)

I remember pre-booking the Goblet of Fire in India, and the day it was realeased I laid my hands on it only in the evening, I remember reading it all night and some part of the next morning, I felt like if I put it down the book would disappear or be snatched away from me, similar experience for the next editions (altough I must say that the magic for me was profound for the first 4-5…I think the final 2 could have been better). I remember crying so much when Dumbledore died (I hope this ain’t a spoiler…it was so long ago) and feeling like the magic died a little with him. I remember hoping and wishing that all of this was true and somewhere there existed a land of Wizards and Witches far from us Muggles. And like most of you I took all those tests to find which houses I would belong to (Praying for Gryffindor). The magic of this series is unmistakable. Beautiful.

Now comes the third- unexpectedly the best, by far has had the most profound effect on me and that is- Gone With The Wind. This book I laid my hands on when I was 21. Just beginning to understand relationships (maybe thats why it had such an effect on me) I used to call it the break-up book. I have read it everytime I experienced something like heart break or disappointment and it has given me strength to move on, as Scarlett would put it- “After all, tomorrow is Another day” 🙂  I have read this book a minimum of 7 times at least and recommended it to so many women- as Mad as me..:P

This book is the heart-breaking story of Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler set against the backdrop of  Civil War in America. It seriously is not just a love story. Once again I fell in Love- with Rhett (I think I have always had a soft corner for arrogant, misunderstood, strong men who cannot confess their emotions easily, who scorn love on the outside, but secretly want to be loved) through the book I kept again hoping that Scarlett would realize how foolish she was being and understand that Rhett was her true man, here again I could put myself in Scarlett’s shoes ( I would think – what is it about us girls? why do we always run after the wrong man, who cares nothing for us? and forget that man who loves us so very much, why could we never see it) this book actually taught me..:)

When the book ended after the first time I read it- I felt for a few days like, my reason to live was gone (M serious it isn’t an exaggeration thats how strongly I feel things..and thats how beautiful it was)

We’ll needless to say I survived..:P and even read the sequel ( Scarlett) and moved on to many many more books after this.

Like I said many books have created magic in my life, yes- including Twilight, however the top 3 are most profound (feeling like dying when the book or series ended is what I mean by profound) I can compare the magic created by these to a first kiss and safely say they were on par.. the same pulse racing excitement…similar intense emotions…same feeling of wanting it to never end..:)

If this is what is called a ‘disease’ I am so happy I have had it…:)  can’t wait for it to strike me again… let me know if you can recommend any such magical books..:)

Personality Types….

Finally!!! This topic… people who  know me and who see this might wonder, how I haven’t blogged about this till now, considering I have chewed people’s brains talking about this…:P

I have had a trigger which compelled me to write about this- I have for the 100th time yesterday encountered this statement- “But of course Personality changes right?!” and my answer- It doesn’t, It doesn’t… (There, I see unhappy, disapproving looks) I reiterate- Innate Personality traits do not change. Period.

Participants in my training programs always question this aspect whenever we talk about personality typing and I always tell them this- “People might adapt, people might cope, people might completely fool the rest of the world by acting very different from their innate traits- however the fact still remains- the core doesn’t change”. (I wonder why its easier for people to believe “oh I am a Scorpio and hence I am always passionate or super ineterested in Sex” or “Oh I am a libran and hence I always seek fair play” and yet these people can’t accept scientifically proved personality typing)

I am a huge believer in the Jungian theory and I think I will make an honest effort to tell the rest of the world about it, what you then believe is upto you.

Carl Gustav Jung (a very great man indeed) figured that people were essentially different first in terms of whether they got their energy from the outer world or their inner word (Extraverts-E and Introverts-I respectively) for example: I feel low when I am alone for long periods of time, I like talking about my problems to others  to find solutions, I hate being totally alone-it saps my energy and therefore I am an Extravert. On the other hand, some of my closest friends are the kinds who need complete space to get back to normal, they want to be by themselves when they are hurt or tired mentally and they come back re-energized and sorted- these are Introverts, they don’t like to typically ‘talk’ about it. This doesn’t mean that extraverts are always talkative, always outgoing, always in the public, never need space etc nor does this mean Introverts are silent, do not need people are always shy etc. The amount of introversion and extraversion (percentage) may vary from person to person.

Then Jung says that there are two ways in which people might process the world around them- These processes are called ‘Perception’ (taking in information) and ‘Judgement’ (evaluating or making decisions)  and further that there are two styles of Perception- ‘ Sensing’ (S) and ‘Intuition'(N) and two styles of ‘Judgement’- ‘Thinking'(T) and ‘feeling'(F).

The sensing style of perception dictates, that the person ‘primarily’ percieves the world through his or her ‘senses’ predominantly. These people are the here and now kinda people. They are very fact based people and live the adage “Seeing is believing” , They wont miss objects in their surrondings, are super aware of things going on around etc. These people dislike theories, they’ll be more focused on the practical or the application, vague theories bore them to death. Fantasy and out of this world concepts don’t attract them too much.

The Intuiting style of perception dictates that people ‘primarily’ perceive the world through their intuition. Sometimes they don’t need ‘tangible’ proof or facts to know something is true, they just know or they are just convinced. They don’t live in the here and now, but in the future, mostly they are oblivious to their immediate surroundings. These guys can be extremely forgetful, lose things, are clumsy etc if they are in deep thought about some abstract thing they care about, depending on their level of N (intuition). They are fascinated with abstract theories and concepts and can discuss them for hours. Fantasy appeals to them big time.

Next people make decisions based on which one is dominant- The thinking style or the Felling style. The thinking style are the ‘head over heart’ people making logic based decisions and the Feeling style are the ‘heart over head’ people making emotional decisions.

And then the final preference- how you like to live your outer life – J Vs P (again Judging and perceiving, however please do not not confuse with the the above- they are the ‘styles’ of Judging/decision making) J people like a more structured approach to life, they like to be more organized, these are non-spontaneous people who like to ‘plan’ and ‘prioritize’. These people are more uncomfortable before a decision is made; i.e. They like closure (then they can breathe a sigh of relief) They are in general more fussy about routine and how things must go a certain way. They like rules and will follow them. An intersting thing here is ‘S’ dominated people who are also high on J will follow societal rules; whereas ‘N’ dominated people who are also high on ‘J’ will make and follow their own rules.

The ‘P’ personality on the other hand detests planning, they are spontaneous people who hate being tied down, they like their options being open i.e. they are more uncomfortable ‘after’ a decision is taken. They dislike routine and monotony and are bored far more easily. All people who measure high on P- whether they are S and P or N and P- don’t like following any rules.

These 4 different aspects intermingle to form a personality type. For instance as I have stated in my blog- I am an ENFP, which means I am an Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling , Percieving  person. Obviously there are 16 styles in total and each amount to different personalities.

Now a word of caution- nothing is absolute or 100%. I have never met or heard of anyone who is 100% E or I, 100% N or S, 100% F or T etc. But yes, one type will “Predominate” and dictate “Most” of what you are.

This typing is called the MBTI (Myers- Briggs Type Indicator).

There is another typing called the Kiersey typing based on the same theory which puts people into just 4 categories- SJ (guardians); SP( Artisans); NF (Idealists); NT (Rationals).

This theory is brilliant to understand and learn as well and its simpler- because ofcoruse anyone who has an S and J present in their MBTI Type (ESTJ, ISTJ, ESFJ,ISFJ) are the rule followers, are orderly and systematic and therefore the guardians of the society. Administrative roles suit them perfectly. Many world reknowend Presidents are SJ’s.

NF’s are the idealists, because they are both intuitive/futuristic and care deeply about causes (because of the Feeling side) and expect things to become beautiful and perfect. Many Social workers and revelutionaries and die hard romantics are NF’s.

NT’s- Rationals are obviously the scientiscts of the world, because of their love for theories and concepts and futuristic intuitive outlook combined with their logical ‘T’ side. Most famous scientists are NT’s.

SP’s- the artisans, who love to create and are masters in their chosen artistic field, both because of their highly evolved senses and spontaneity. Many artists- dancers, historians, directors etc etc are Artisans.

Personality typing is useful for so many things, understanding you and the people around, understanding what vocation will suit you best, even understanding what kind of people you ‘most’ relate to and why and thereby how to solve differences.

There is so much more to talk about so many many more modified theories based on Carl Jung’s theory. But I guess I will stop here. I really hope anybody who reads this finds clarity and understands what i mean when I say the core of the individual does not change.

If you are interested in reading further and deeper, I suggest you visit:

http://www.bestfittype.com/cognitiveprocesses.html

If you need to take the MBTI for free, please visit:

www.humanmetrics.com andtake the Jung Typology test.

I would love to know your thoughts on any of this. A topic close to my heart and one which doesn’t purplex me…:)